Posts filed under 'Contemplations'
October 28th, 2006
So many competing reasons, so many compelling reasons… confusion reigns and anarchy is in the air. The mind has lost all focus and is in turmoil, the body is restless for action. But how can there be action while the mind is in such a state? Inactivity is ruinous for the self but what other choice is there?
Lost and groping in the dark. The ship has hit the rocks and it flounders; water has flooded the decks, the captains’ cabin has submerged and cries for help lost in the thunderous skies. Time to abandon ship?
Reading books, philosophizing, debating, scheming, writing… to what end? Explanations, evaluations, reasons for reasons and the reign of confusion!
Life – A sequence of events. Every moment, every instant captured for eternity, a stepping stone for the next. The multitudes of humanity chartering the course of history with every instant of their existence on this earth… and with their deaths. The oceans of creation writing history, forever changing the look of this universe with every pulse, every joule of their existence… and with their destruction.
An ant dropping a grain of sand, a cricket’s chirp at night may be part of a chain of events that may have the destruction of a city, the eruption of a volcano, the splitting of the earth along its path. Time goes on; events are meaningless, upheavals lost in the sands of time. Was the creation of the earth the first link in this sequence of events or…? I shudder to think what this trail of thought can lead to. Will the destruction of all creation be the end of the chain? Everything has been willed.
Inaction is a course of action… What anguish! What is the price of this inaction! The pain rips this heart to shreds and immobilizes this body! Ya Allah! What is needed of us!?
What is to become of us? What have I gained with all these pursuits of the mind? Where is the action that makes men great?
A great friend explained to me how Muslims are mirrors of one another. You cannot see yourself, he says, except with the aid of a mirror. I can count on my parents and my friend to be my mirrors but they are not enough. Without a real mirror I cannot see the complete me, I am blinded by my ignorance and my arrogance. Layers upon layers of existence, layers upon layers of personalities; a commotion of the self.
September 4th, 2006
I’m at work and feeling ill, my throat is itchy, my hands cold, my eyes tired. More…I got up at ten to eight so I was really late for work. The project manager returned from leave today so that probably didn’t give him a very good impression of me, not that I particularly care. I didn’t use my deodorant today and I smell a bit although I have to admit I quite like the smell of my own sweat. It’s very different than the kind of stench you get from others. Maybe because of my diet?
It really annoys me when people stare. Little kids, old men, women, everyone stares except for the shabaab who just stop doing what they’re usually doing i.e bothering females. There was a time when I couldn’t go anywhere without feeling uncomfortable due to someone or the others unflinching gaze and I honestly used to feel like going around with a shemagh wrapped around my face. That’s changed now though, I do get the occasional looks by the old men, children do stare at me in the Masjid and sometimes, like yesterday at IKEA, you do get a girl who’s strangely fascinated by a short heavy bloke with a long beard and long hair and speaks English, sort of like an English speaking yeti dwarf. Point of all this? No point, just wanted to point out that pointing and staring is not good, end of point. Point.
My dad calls me up at work the day before yesterday and tells me that he’s flying out the day after. Nice timing dad, I’d wanted to send a few things for my sister, her husband and her father in law but I didn’t have any time to buy the stuff. My sister is pregnant with her first child and the delivery is expected to be sometime in November or December. Please make dua that everything goes ok.
What I don’t get is why cars don’t have trash cans, really, why not? I mean what are you supposed to do with the tissue paper you’ve just sneezed in or the sandwich wrapper from a fast food takeaway? Do you chuck it out the window? Do you let it slip to the floor and pretend that nothings happened? Do you hold it in your hand until you find a garbage skip? Why? I know it’s not hard to put a small garbage thing in, my Volvo had one, but that’s only because I hadn’t payed the optional third cup holder. Why should my rear car passengers have a cup holder while I’m being forced to hold a snot filled tissue paper in my hand while I drive? And even the way I drive anyone would be mad to attempt to drink or eat anything while seated in the middle row of my car. My dad does but that’s because he doesn’t really care what he gets on my car seats and I can’t ask him not to do it.
I have managed to find a solution to this problem but that requires quite frequent trips to IKEA and having to buy useless junk.. I use their large wonderful plastic carry bags as trash bags. 
The bags from IKEA are quite large and stiff so they don’t tip over and they don’t collapse. The bag just sits there behind the front passenger seat with it’s mouth open, waiting to receive my snot filled tissue paper and when it’s filled up after a couple of weeks I simply toss it in a skip and pay IKEA another visit.
Another really annoying this is why, why aren’t hooks in the boots of cars standard? Why can’t you have hooks protruding from the roof of jeeps so you can hang bags that should not be tipped over, like, for example the sizzling fish I bought yesterday at ‘The Red Lobster’ I placed the bag in the floor well in front of the front passenger seat and it fell over at a bend, I reached out and placed it upright only for it to tip over again so do you know what I did? I held the bag up with one hand and steered with the other, very safe.
Anyway, people annoy me, they seriously annoy me. Why are so many people just a bunch of half wit morons who refuse to think or even to try and understand what the other person is saying. The moment someone labels you a chauvinist, a sexist, a racist, an anti Semite or whatever other ists exist out there, you know that they’ve closed their minds. And why should people be spoon fed or else they go and make the most absurd connections possible instead of expending the effort required to make logical connections?
To illustrate my point let me give you an example of this kind of absurd connection making. I was debating a sister, in a very respectful manner, the issue of equality between the sexes. I insisted that there can be no equality because we are biologically different and that we have been created to play different roles which require different rights and obligations. In order to show that this does not mean anything bad I said that I refer to this as “positive discrimination”. To further prove my point I tried pointing out that western society, that is purportedly so equal, itself practices this act of positive discrimination. Why can an 18 year old vote and not a 17 year old? Why can an 18 year old drink and not a 17 year old? These are laws designed by the west because they feel that anyone under 18 should not have these rights because it is not appropriate. What about Allah ta3la who has given Men and women different rights because He knows what is suitable for whom? This sister saw red because she assumed I was comparing women to ‘minors’, I was doing nothing of the sort, I was simply pointing out one of the fallacies of western thought, and so she blasts me. She says that she thought individuals like myself were an urban myth and that it’s depressed her to find out that I actually do exist. Will I attempt to clear these misunderstandings? No and I have let her have the last say because I’ve had it, if you refuse to think logically or to provide sold reasoning for your arguments then I will stop debating and will simply smile and nod my head as one would do when a small child tells a tale.
August 31st, 2006
Assalam’alaikum
I’ve just started to work on a book I’ve been meaning write for ages, a collection of logical and philosophical arguments against democracy.
The book will be aimed at Muslims as I will be start with the agreement of the reality of a Creator, an affirmation of all His names and attributes and with the belief in the final prophethood of our beloved Prophet Muhammed PBUH. I intend to write down just the logical arguments that I and others have used against Democracy so as to help Muslims see the reality of what they hold so dear and what they proclaim to be our destiny.
I have a decision to make though, should I continue to work on it just being an argument against democracy or maybe an argument against the modernist Islamic thinking as a whole?
An argument against Modernism will require a lot more time devoted to trying to understand the hidden meanings of modernism as well as their effects. Every time I have a discussion with a modernist, we manage to pull so many strings that nothing gets resolved. Finding a root and then using logical steps to define each thought is very difficult because one branch may have a hundred different issues, all of which come up at the same time. Trying to write about that, sometimes I feel, requires not just an ignorant follower such as myself but an enlightened Islaamic scholar.
I cannot even be considered a knowledgable person, just a normal Muslim with a few ideas and as such I’ll need as much help as possible. I’ve already gotten Kamran to agree to help me and infact right now he’s probably wondering where I’ve disappeared to. From amongst our beloved and greatly respected thinkers and students of knowledge, MWA has completely disappeared, Talha Ahsan’s been locked up and Admin from CG can’t get a respite from his own problems so that counts him out.
Yusuf (heartsofgreenbirds), my buddy and compadre is my official cheerleader. 
P.s - My neck is killing me so please forgive me if this post is a bit hard to follow.
August 30th, 2006
Assalam’alaikum
So much to say… don’t know where to start.
I was reading Ubergirl87’s blog and it’s very depressing, I lost my trail of thought, everything I wanted to type’s gone. No matter how messed up their lives are, they are still our brothers and sisters and we still care about them. It’s so frustrating now because my mind’s become so distracted that I just can’t write anything. I’ll just post this and hope I’m relaxed enough tomorrow morning to be able to say what I wanted to say.
I’m at a junction now where I have major decisions to take and I feel so unsure, so undecided. There are so many things that are bothering me and so many things that I’m coming to understand, the realization of which is causing me to look at myself harder than I have for many months. I wish I had a Pensieve to sort out my thoughts. Perhaps I should spend tomorrow morning in contemplation.
There are times when the lack of a confidante is sorely felt, this is one of those times. But even this may not be so bad had I a close friend, a confidant. Friends I have many, some I consider to be good friends but they are just that… not more. My two friends who were closest to me, my jigri yaaray, are far away, one is in England and the other I lost touch with.
June 10th, 2006
I was an angry teenager and that helped me when I was working out. That was my only outlet but then I stopped. I couldn’t do it anymore. Why?
I realized it was because I had forgotten anger and I had become subdued and that’s when I started writing. I’m angry again, I’ve been angry for a year now but I was still trying to write. I couldn’t and today I discovered weight lifting again. And I’m angry, so angry and it’s given me an outlet. I’m sweating like a pig, can lift a little more than half of what I used to but it feels good. I’m not an old man and I have the power. I can still pump iron and I can still scream while I’m doing so. I’m going to crush people and I’m going to be angrier than a raging bull in a bull run. This is my answer to my problems and my change in mindset so Allah help those who bother me.
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